The Fine Art of Procrastination

By Michelle Andreani

You may hear people say that publishing is a slow business; and it is, in its own way. Writing a book, it seems, can also be a slow business — unless you’re one of those writers who can whip up a first draft in two weeks, in which case I’m convinced you drank from an iffy public fountain at a young age and now you don’t have wholly human blood flowing through your veins. Seriously, get tested!

Oh, I kid. Out of envy, you see!

Because I write sloooooooowly. It’s my one problem as a writer — hahahaha. I mixed up those words. It’s one OF my problems as a writer, my inability to turn off the inner-editor, to writewritewrite without worrying if it’s all good enough. To be stunted by this fear. It’s frustrating and often paralyzing when you’re so anxious to spill out a story, and all that’s staring you in the face is this:

Shut up, blinking cursor!

Terrifying. Who wants to deal with that? Today of all days?? You, neither? Excellent! We’ll be much clearer-headed tomorrow, anyway, right?!

SIDEBAR: There are a ton of ways to procrastinate, like reading books and social networking and watching The Social Network and jumping every time your email dings, even though you know it’s just another Groupon for 83% off laser hair removal. Those are typical tools for avoiding work, but sometimes you need a little variety. And that’s what I’m here for! Not that you should follow my lead or consider this a guide. Oh, no.

I certainly do not condone procrastination. *smiles at Mindi*

That said, let’s procrastinate!

1.) We Should Definitely Browse Goodreads: It’s not really wasting time if you’re looking for another book to read! And you’re making an author happy by adding their book to your To-Read list, so yay! But beware: Goodreads is not without danger. You’re bound to stumble upon a book that sounds eerily like the one you’re writing but waaaaaay better. Then your resulting misery will be compounded by the fact that you’re procrastinating while this person wrote your book faster (and better), NOT THAT I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE.

2.) Wanna Start a Lip Balm Collection?:

3.) Try to Remember the Title of that Book You Read Like 5 Years Ago, the One with that Girl Character in It . . . Ugh! What Was It Called?! It Was The Same Summer You Read Where the Heart Is. Come On! Remember! Do You Really Want to Die Before You Remember?!: YA novel, probably pubbed between 2006-2009, redhead main character, mean girl named Sterling. Time worth wasting until I puzzle this one out, I say!

4.) Utilize This Gif in Every Way Possible:

5.) Let’s Go Outside for a Bit. It’s Summer!Yes, of course, getting the mail counts. Now, go!

6.) A List is Not a List Without Pinterest: Everyone loves Pinterest! And for good reason — that place is rife with inspiration. (I even have my own Cloudy board.) But Pinterest is possibly even more dangerous than Goodreads, because it’s basically a time-suck in research’s clothing. You may think you’re going in there to find the exact shade of Cloudy’s hair color, but you come out feeling hungry and kind of poor and — oh, Pinterest, I can’t stay mad at you! Now show me your kickass fat-free enchilada recipes.

By now you’ve probably realized that this blog post is 7.) Write a Blog Post About Procrastinating, I Mean, That’s Workish. And you’re right, you clever thing! So, it’s for the best if we end this, part ways for now, and get back to work, whatever that may be for you today.

I know. Sigh sigh sigh. It was fun wasting time with you.

Ooohh, but wait!

8.) Dance with Me! To This! For As Long As It Takes!:

3 thoughts on “The Fine Art of Procrastination

  1. Mindi Scott says:

    I still get filled with All the Sad when I think of that one certain name that you found on Goodreads. I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT.

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